February 16, 2017

February 16, 2017

Posted by Jules

Well let's see, where to begin. I haven't officially gotten my blood results back yet, because my appointment with my doctor isn't until March 1. However I can view my results online and so I did. Most of the numbers I don't know anything at all about but the glucose one, I do. And mine was 103.  They like for that to be below 99 when fasting, so that's not to good. Mine's been running in the upper 90's for the last few years so really if I didn't change something it's only a matter of time till I get diabetes. Which I DON'T have, but I really do have to get control of my eating and weight. Because I'm now at an even higher risk of it.  I've known this for about 3 days now and two of those days have eaten something REALLY high in sugar.  (Hello darkness, my old friend~)
I'm trying though, I really am trying to get a handle on things and make better choices.

The second little tidbit that I'll update you on is that I have to return to the hospital for a second mammogram today.  My first one was last Friday.  I'm trying not to worry too much about it because the nurse told me at my first one that if they saw ANYTHING different they would call me back for a repeat.  If they don't like what they see on this one they're going to do an ultrasound. And the next step in that parade is a biopsy.  I'm a little scared, but optomistic.  

Dang I swear 42 must just be the age your body says "screw it" and goes to pot. Or at least mine is trying to. First the dang polyp on my cervix, and now a follow-up ultrasound. Ugg.  Welp, even more reason to eat healthy and exercise more. 

February 2, 2017

February 2, 2017

Posted by Jules

Do you know how many times I've started over on my diet?  I am forever "going" on a diet, but actually getting there is another story.  

Yesterday I went for my yearly physical, and during my pelvic exam my doctor found a polyp on my cervix.  Apparently they are rarely malignant, almost always benign. But with my mother passing away from cancer, and possibly having ovarian cancer (never confirmed because the lung cancer killed her first), it terrified me.  I sat on the table and cried.  

I can rattle off the list of reasons why I need to lose weight. I know that being obese (I am currently 5'6 and weigh 300lbs) puts me at a higher risk of heart disease, stroke, cancer, diabetes, and a plethora of other diseases.  I know from my aches and pains that carrying around this much weight is wearing on me.   There are lots of things I know, I just didn't care.  

After hearing that I had a polyp I came home and ate an entire box of Little Debbie Snack cakes.  One hundred and nintey calories each and more carbs than you even want to know.  Food is my comforter, it's always been this way, but even more so since I lost mama.  I've used it to get me through her death, my kids moving out, and any and every issue that has stressed me out.  

For the first time in my life, however, it did not have the desired affect. Once I had finished the box I didn't feel better. I just felt ashamed.  IF the polyp was malignant, then I had just fed it a ton of sugar. One of the things I learned about when mama had cancer is that sugar is the enemy. Cancer burns a LOT of energy. That's why people who have cancer usually lose weight. And sugar feeds tumors and encourages growth.  

So I thought about all of the reasons I had told myself for remaining the weight that I currently am:  

 

• I like food, I don't want to give any of it up.
• Being bigger makes me invisible, I don't have to worry about people hitting on me.
• I'm just to old and tired to change my ways

 

And then I thought about what I would do if I did have cancer. I would limit my carbs, try hard to eat healthy and exercise more. Give myself the best chance to beat it. I realized that I could do all of that regardless, and by doing it I could give myself a better future and just possibly a nice long active life.  

 So today I started over one more time, God willing for the last time.  My goals this time are pretty simple. I want to start fairly small so that I don't overwhelm myself, and I don't want to give me any excuses to quit.

 

1.  125g of carbs MAX daily
2.  60 oz of water daily

And that's it. I'm just gonna try for those two things right now. Also, as dire as this has sounded,  my doctor assured me that cervical polyps are almost normal, and not to worry. So I'm trying not to worry until I know something for sure.  And for all two of you who may or may not read this, hello!  lol I don't want to post this on my normal blog because my children don't know about the polyp. I'm not going to tell them until I know for sure what it is. I don't want them to worry about what ifs.