February 2, 2017
Posted by Jules
Do
you know how many times I've started over on my diet? I am
forever "going" on a diet, but actually getting there is
another story.
Yesterday
I went for my yearly physical, and during my pelvic exam my doctor
found a polyp on my cervix. Apparently they are rarely
malignant, almost always benign. But with my mother passing away from
cancer, and possibly having ovarian cancer (never confirmed because
the lung cancer killed her first), it terrified me. I sat on
the table and cried.
I
can rattle off the list of reasons why I need to lose weight. I know
that being obese (I am currently 5'6 and weigh 300lbs) puts me at a
higher risk of heart disease, stroke, cancer, diabetes, and a
plethora of other diseases. I know from my aches and pains that
carrying around this much weight is wearing on me. There are
lots of things I know, I just didn't care.
After
hearing that I had a polyp I came home and ate an entire box of
Little Debbie Snack cakes. One hundred and nintey calories each
and more carbs than you even want to know. Food is my
comforter, it's always been this way, but even more so since I lost
mama. I've used it to get me through her death, my kids moving
out, and any and every issue that has stressed me out.
For
the first time in my life, however, it did not have the desired
affect. Once I had finished the box I didn't feel better. I just felt
ashamed. IF the polyp was malignant, then I had just fed it a
ton of sugar. One of the things I learned about when mama had cancer
is that sugar is the enemy. Cancer burns a LOT of energy. That's why
people who have cancer usually lose weight. And sugar feeds
tumors and encourages growth.
So
I thought about all of the reasons I had told myself for remaining
the weight that I currently am:
- I like food, I don't want to give any of it up.
- Being bigger makes me invisible, I don't have to worry about people hitting on me.
- I'm just to old and tired to change my ways
And
then I thought about what I would do if I did have cancer. I would
limit my carbs, try hard to eat healthy and exercise more. Give
myself the best chance
to beat it. I realized that I could do all of that regardless, and by
doing it I could give myself a better future and just possibly a nice
long active life.
So
today I started over one more time, God willing for the last time.
My goals this time are pretty simple. I want to start fairly
small so that I don't overwhelm myself, and I don't want to give me
any excuses to quit.
- 125g of carbs MAX daily
- 60 oz of water daily
And
that's it. I'm just gonna try for those two things right now. Also,
as dire as this has sounded, my doctor assured me that cervical
polyps are almost normal, and not to worry. So I'm trying not to
worry until I know something for sure. And for all two of you
who may or may not read this, hello! lol I don't want to post
this on my normal blog because my children don't know about the
polyp. I'm not going to tell them until I know for sure what it is. I
don't want them to worry about what ifs.
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